Podcasts now on iTunes!

We’re finally finished! Thanks to everyone who tuned in, we certainly had fun. So now the show’s over, we’ve put all the podcasts in one easy-to-download place:

Click here to download us on iTunes

Enjoy that, yeah?

(And if you don’t have an iPod, you can still download them individually below.)

Henry and Oscar x

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NEW DOWNLOAD – Special Bonus Podcast

So here it is! After two years of false promises, we finally got off our arses and recorded a brand new final podcast, possibly the least celebrated comeback since Measles. So download it here, stick it on your iPod, and get ready for 35 minutes of unrivalled silliness! (Note: some of the later sections work best with stereo headphones).

This week: Some new features, more phone calls to ‘Take a Break’, Oscar goes on Jeremy Kyle and Tolu the furby earns his role as co-host.

Listen to it here:

It’s All News to Me

1) Unarmed woman robs bank with AIDS
2) Fat Croatian boy reveals magnetic tits
3) National shame as Prince Philip eats placard

And the true story is: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1385885/Magnetic-boy-carry-pans-chest-Ivan-Stoiljkovic-6-sticks-metal-objects-body.html. Not to be a hypocrite, but I don’t feel that ‘fat boy’ is an unfair assessment.

Many thanks to the woman with the biggest legs in the world… legs, big legs… gay squirtle.

NEW DOWNLOAD – ‘Best of’ Compilations

Don’t have the time to wade through all our shite? Think it might be a gamble? Well then, why not try one of our two 15-minute ‘highlight compilations’ free to download below, created especially for the launch of Xpress Radio’s shiny new iTunes page. Contains condensed material from episodes 1-17, including a hearty portion of never-before-heard material, by which I mean our show. What could go wrong yeah?

Listen to them here:

Highlights Compilation 1 – QUICK LISTEN
Highlights Compilation 1 – DOWNLOAD LINK FOR MP3

Highlights Compilation 2 – QUICK LISTEN
Highlights Compilation 2 – DOWNLOAD LINK FOR MP3

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If you’re interested in more after that, and unless it’s all gone tits up again, all our old show podcasts should still be available to download free below. Lovely.

A Message from Henry and Oscar

Oo well done, nice time to discover this page. Not that we’re finished or anything. How’s the bandwagon? Busy? I bet you’re the kind of person who eats too much food before complaining that they’ve “eaten too much food”, or says “don’t hurt yourself” immediately after someone’s just hurt themself, or decides in May 1945 that you don’t really like this Hitler fellow and might not vote for him after all. You should really try and get upstream of the floating turd in life. Still, you’re here now, and in luck, as our 17 show podcasts are still online for download. For new listeners, I reccommend starting with our Second Year shows and working your way upwards, as our first 9 episodes serve only to illustrate why pilots need to be trained before being given the controls. See if you like them, and if after those later episodes you’re left titilated but ultimately unsatisifed, then perhaps you’d like to nip back into the first 9 and finish yourself off.

So cheerio. We’ll most likely be back for a one-off special some time in the future, but we’re still not sure when, so we’ll keep you updated through the facebook group which you can join via the link in the sidebar. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy what we’ve got to offer, and think of us fondly as me and Oscar settle down to a nice suburban lifestyle somewhere in the country, to raise our dogs Herbert and Truffles, far away from the stressful world of microphones, FM licenses and faulty recording equipment.

Lots of love, and enjoy.

– Henry & Oscar

 

Episode 17

As Mary Jean Iron once said, “let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so”. With this final podcast you may feel an inexplainable weight lifted off your shoulders, a desire to smile and laugh again that you haven’t felt in months. Why, it may seem that the very trees themselves are dancing with joy! This isn’t true, and you should stop sniffing bathroom cleaner. Still, our final show went down much better than anyone could have expected, with over three seperate people listening in, several of which weren’t us. It was a fitting farewell to the year, which the union staff decided to commemorate through a sudden drop in the suicide rate, a touching gesture which served to remind us what it’s all about. With this wrapped up me and Oscar are now looking forward to putting our many talents towards other projects, such as paddling, or holding up Golf Sale signs along St. Mary’s Street. If you happen to see us do say hello, but try not to distract Oscar too much, he’s pushing himself as it is. 

This week: All the features return for an extra-length final show: pimped out legs, beefed up pidgeons, Sesame Street orgies and Oscar clashes with St. Peter at the gates of heaven.

Listen to it here:
Download Farewell Special (Episode 17)

It’s All News to Me

1) Winged cat found in china
2) Man dressed as Bert murdered by man dressed as Ernie
3) Disbelief as polar bear sends fax
4) Pregnant man expecting second child
5) Photoshoot tragedy as model drowns in tits

And the 2 true stories are: http://cats.about.com/b/2009/05/28/winged-cat-found-in-china.htm and http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/11/13/man.pregnant.again.walters/index.html

Episode 16

As the end steadily approaches for our little show, what more is there to say that hasn’t already been said? Probably not, “you’ve inspired me to do radio,” or ”Oscar, could you look after my kids”. With only two more shows to go until we resign ourselves to the whispers of history, we decided to bring back all the old features for a last two-part reunion, including the highly successful ”silence” and “more music”. Three hours, four Yorkies and one f-bomb later it was all over, leaving us with only one show left before we’re finished for good, a life-defining moment that we’ve handled in very different ways. I haven’t cried so much since the last time I watched Gladiator. Oscar hasn’t smiled so much since he managed to twist my bollocks right round with his bare hands, which he did the last time we watched Gladiator. The only problem now is knowing what to do with him once the show’s finished, as I can’t decide whether to put him down or have him returned to the wild. It’s a shame, because London zoo would take him back again if only he’d learn to stop harassing the chimps.

This week: All the features return for an extra-length special; mad uncles, buff gorillas, Mugabe’s little secret and Benny the pig returns to help solve a murder mystery.

Listen to it here:
Download Pre-Farewell Special (Episode 16)

It’s All News to Me

1) Taiwanese goats in noisy windfarm massacre
2) Man discovers Albanian family living in pond
3) Guiness tells world’s tallest dwarf, “you’re not a thing”

And the true story’s this little gem: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8060969.stm

Hidden Talents Exclusive

I turned round halfway through Kasabian to find Oscar putting his four minutes to good use:

Other than this there’s very little on his CV.

Episode 15

For the same reason no-one asks Muhammed Ali why he’s given up boxing, it’s not hard to see why three weeks have gone by without us being able to release a proper show. The recording studio at Xpress is one of the least reliable pieces of equipment since HAL, and runs like it was built as part of someone’s GCSE coursework; none of the microphones were working last week, an oversight along the lines of building a car without wheels, or having kids but forgetting to feed them, and the headphones emit so much white noise that MI5 have now borrowed them to force sensitive information out of terror suspects. This creative drought was further worsened by my face suddenly ballooning up to twice the size from mumps, an unexpected twist which somewhat spoilt my hopes of attending the Cardiff Media Awards; if not because I was contagious, but because the black tie made me look like that scene in The Elephant Man where Joseph Merrick gets taken the opera. At least he got an applause when his name was read out – and there was further embarrassment this week when the man running security recognised me after 3 weeks off, but still refused to give me the keys.

This week: The studio falls apart, standards drop, Oscar loves penguins and Henry breaks a new world record.

Listen to it here:
Download Episode 15

It’s All News to Me

1) Union leader in plans to eat own fingers
2) Joyriding chimp pulled over for speeding
3) Shock as retirement home feud explodes into public bingo hall buggery

And the true one is: http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Serbian-Union-Official-Chops-Off-Finger-And-Eats-It-In-A-Wages-Protest/Article/200904415270547?f=rss