For the same reason no-one asks Muhammed Ali why he’s given up boxing, it’s not hard to see why three weeks have gone by without us being able to release a proper show. The recording studio at Xpress is one of the least reliable pieces of equipment since HAL, and runs like it was built as part of someone’s GCSE coursework; none of the microphones were working last week, an oversight along the lines of building a car without wheels, or having kids but forgetting to feed them, and the headphones emit so much white noise that MI5 have now borrowed them to force sensitive information out of terror suspects. This creative drought was further worsened by my face suddenly ballooning up to twice the size from mumps, an unexpected twist which somewhat spoilt my hopes of attending the Cardiff Media Awards; if not because I was contagious, but because the black tie made me look like that scene in The Elephant Man where Joseph Merrick gets taken the opera. At least he got an applause when his name was read out – and there was further embarrassment this week when the man running security recognised me after 3 weeks off, but still refused to give me the keys.
This week: The studio falls apart, standards drop, Oscar loves penguins and Henry breaks a new world record.
Listen to it here:
Download Episode 15
It’s All News to Me
1) Union leader in plans to eat own fingers
2) Joyriding chimp pulled over for speeding
3) Shock as retirement home feud explodes into public bingo hall buggery